You Are Here

There is a part of you untouched by the things you’ve been through. 

There’s a You who hasn’t changed, hasn’t been altered or torn away.

This You inside was the first you, the only you at the beginning.

As a baby you only knew curiosity, need, love, care. You knew.

Then life was life and experiences taught you ways to think, ways to stay safe, ways to be you. 

But all the while, that You inside was still there. 

And even now, even with the anxiety, the fear, the heartbreak, You are there.  

The parts of you that hold your fear, hold the experiences that have shaped you, might get in the way. They might tell you “This is what you must do to stay safe. This is what you must think to belong.” 

But those parts are incomplete. They need You to help them be whole. 

So while you notice the sad, desperate, difficult parts of you, see if you can also tap into that inner knowing part, the You who has been there all along. 

Tap into the curiosity. Sit in the compassion, clarity, connectedness. Let the creativity, courage, and calm flow.

You have all you need to be whole again, right inside of you. You’ve been there all along. 

Nothing that ever happens to you, no mistakes you make, no emotions you feel can ever change the You inside. 

You are infinitely worthy and infinitely You. 

How to Tell Which Mental Health Professional is Right for You

It can be really hard for someone who needs help with their mental health to know where to look. What’s the difference between a professional counselor and a marriage and family therapist? Can a psychologist prescribe medicine? Which professionals can diagnose? How do I know that this therapist is right for me?

So this post is all about what to look for when searching for a good counselor and how to quickly sift through available therapist to find one that’s right for you. (To keep things simple, I’ll use “therapist” and “counselor” interchangeably throughout the post in place of “mental health professional.”)

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THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND BEFORE YOU SEARCH

1. It’s all about fit.

   • I don’t care how much experience a therapist/counselor has, how many degrees they hold, or what their specialty is- if you don’t trust them or feel comfortable with them, they will not be able to help you. When finding a counselor, you may need to shop around for a little while before settling in on a good one.

2. Ask for recommendations from people you trust.

   • The good news is that therapy is becoming a lot more common and easier to talk about these days. It’s likely that your best friend, mom, or church leader has a counselor they have tried and can recommend to you. You can also ask your OBGYN or Family Doc for recommendations.

   • It’s important with this to remember #1, though. Just because your best friend loves her therapist doesn’t mean that you will love him/her, too. It’s OK to find someone who fits better for you.

3. Think about insurance.

   • Before you begin looking, it’s important to decide whether or not you’d like to use your insurance. Many insurances cover a variety of mental health treatment, but you’ll need to find out what kinds are covered and which therapists are in-network. Many counselors operate as cash/cards-only because dealing with insurance panels is time-intensive and less profitable, so if you find a therapist just make sure you ask them. It’s also important to remember that just because a therapist is on your insurance doesn’t mean that they will be a good fit for you.

   • If you find a good therapist and they don’t accept your insurance, ask about being able to use your HSA/FSA cards. Many therapist have their systems set up to accept those. You can also ask about filing out-of-network on your own with your counselor providing you an invoice to do so.

WHEN YOU BEGIN LOOKING FOR A THERAPIST

1. Google is your friend.

   • Even if you are using insurance, I recommend googling “therapists/ counselors in my area.” This will bring up any therapist websites and you can sift through those. Most often, the website www.psychologytoday.com will pop up. This is a great resource and helpful for a quick overview of who is available. You can search by type of therapist, specialty, insurance, etc…

   • You can also use Google Maps and see if your potential counselors has any reviews for their practice.

   • If the therapist has a website, take a look at it before you call them. Often, a counselor’s website is like the store-front for the their company. It’s a reflection of them, so if you don’t jive with the message they are putting on their site, it’s less likely they’ll be a good fit for you.

2. Know what you are looking for.

   • Because counselors *can* treat almost any population, some will make themselves available to anyone and everyone. Steer clear of therapists like this. If they haven’t narrowed down the type of client they enjoy treating, you probably aren’t going to get very far with them. You want to look for a therapist who has a specialty. This is an area of expertise that they have either received more training or that they feel particularly drawn. Try to narrow down the problems you are experiencing to something searchable like “Depression” or “LGBTQ Issues.” Being able to have a clearer idea of what you are looking for will help you quickly narrow the types of therapists that can help you.

   • This especially applies to age groups like “children” or “adolescents” and family groups like “couples” or “family” therapy. A good child therapist or couples therapist will make it clear that he/she specializes in this area and will likely have received additional training associated with it.

   • If you are looking for medication or a specific diagnoses or assessment, it’s likely you’ll need to go through insurance and find a practitioner who is suited for that. (Make sure to consult the infograph above on which professionals can diagnose, prescribe medication, and run assessments.)

3. Be ready with questions.

   • When you think you’ve found a few therapists who seem like a good fit, give them a call. Even if you’re not a “talking on the phone” person, I believe it’s important to hear what your therapist has to say and get a feel for who they are. This first phone interaction can help with that. When you call, if a receptionist answers the phone, ask for him/her to give your potential therapist your contact information and let him/her know you’d like to chat with the therapist before you schedule. You need to talk to them on the phone and they should be willing to talk to you before you set up an appointment with them.

   • Once you get them on the phone, here’s a list of some important questions you should ask:

     • Here is my issue…. Do you think that is something you will be able to help me with?

       • A confident, knowledgeable therapist will be able to give this answer a strong yes or no and then describe how they will help you. If they skirt around it or don’t sound confident, that would be a red flag for me.

     • When is your next available appointment?

       • Some therapists have waiting lists up to 6 weeks long. Don’t be totally deterred by this because “therapist with a waiting list” usually = “good therapist” and often they’ll be able to get you in sooner. But again, know what you need. If you need help sooner, find someone else who can get you in.

     • Do you take my insurance/ how do you handle payment?

     • What is your fee and cancellation policy?

     • Where is your office located? (Sometimes the actual location can be different from the listing.)

     • What are your normal office hours and how often will we do therapy?

       • Most counselors start off scheduling clients weekly since that tends to provide the best environment for change, but if you would like to go every other week or monthly let them know ahead of time and see if they are open to that.

     • Anything else you want to know about them.

       • It’s not unusual for a potential client to ask if I’m married or if I have kids. They might ask where I went to school or how long I’ve been practicing. Sometimes, they want to just know that I understand their situation. You are welcome to ask your potential therapist these questions and they shouldn’t make you feel weird about it.

       • Keep in mind, though, that a non-married therapist can be just as helpful in couples counseling as a married one. A child therapist who doesn’t have kids can be just as helpful to your child. Your fit with your therapist depends a lot less on their lifestyle than it does on their ability to treat your issue.

     • If any of the answers to these questions aren’t a good fit for you, let them know and then ask for referrals to someone who might work better. This is not a personal thing and your therapist should not be offended by it. They should want to fit with their clients as much as their clients want that. They also might know other therapists in the area who specialize in your specific issue.

4. If there is anything you definitely *don’t* want as part of the therapy process, let your counselor know.

   1. If you are an atheist or you definitely don’t want any religious undertones in therapy, let your counselor know. Even if she is listed as being “Christian” on her profile, this shouldn’t be a problem for her. A good therapist will 100% respect those boundaries for you and not make you feel weird for having them.

   2. If you want to pay in cash so that people close to you don’t know you are coming to counseling, let your counselor know. She should being willing to work with you on that.

   3. If you hate sitting on couches for some reason and would prefer the floor, let your therapist know! For real, though. If there is anything that would help make my client’s experience more comfortable and safe for them, I will try to accommodate that. She should feel like your advocate every step of the way.

WHEN YOU BEGIN THERAPY

1. Remember who this is about.

   • This experience is not about your therapist, it’s about you. If you find that you therapist is talking about herself or relating her own problems to yours, that’s a big red flag. You are not paying her to talk about herself. I would go so far as to say that counselors who resort to talking about their own issues in therapy are out of their depth and just grasping at straws for ways to be helpful to you. When I meet with clients, it’s extremely rare for me to use my own experiences and if I do, it’s purposefully and thoughtfully done. Don’t let therapy dissolve into that. If it happens a lot, find someone else.

2. Give it a 3 session trial period.

   • Because counseling can be such an emotionally charged, nerve wracking experience, I always ask that my clients give it 3 sessions. If after 3 session they don’t feel like we are a good fit, I’m happy to refer them to someone else. Sometimes it’s immediate, but sometimes it takes up to 3 sessions to feel like you are getting somewhere in therapy. If you come out of the first session feeling like “I’m not sure how that went or if it helped.” That’s totally normal! Sooo many of my clients say that they felt that way when we first met. It’s an unusual experience and your mind is adjusting to it. The first session is also a lot about gathering information and so it can feel like you didn’t really get anywhere. Give it a couple more sessions to see how you feel and then decide.

   • All of that being said, if after the first session you have any major reservations or have noticed any of the red flags I mentioned, you have no obligation to go back! I have personally gone to a therapist 1 time and not returned because I could tell right away we were not a good fit. If your reservations are more than “I’m not sure if that was helpful or if I liked it.” then don’t feel like you have to keep going. Trust your gut on this one.

3. Environment Matters

   • How does the office space feel to you? Is it bright and warm? Is it in a dingy, run down office building with clutter all over? You will not be able to feel safe enough to do the emotional work you need to do in an office space that doesn’t feel comfortable to you. A good therapist will make a significant effort to make you comfortable. Many offer tea or coffee before your session and candy/ refreshments during/ after the session. Many have magazines to read while you wait, calming essential oils diffusing, and peaceful music playing. I offer my clients a blanket or pillow to snuggle and I have a little fireplace always going so they can feel at home. Don’t settle for a cluttered, run-down office space! If you don’t feel comfortable when you walk into the office, don’t go back.

I hope this post has been helpful for you! It’s a lot of information to take in and I know it’s not easy, but once you find the therapist that speaks to your heart it’s well worth all of the effort. If you have any other questions about finding a good counselor, don’t hesitate to reach out! I’m always happy to answer them and help you find some good therapists in your area or online.

ImPerfect Me

Tonight is one of the nights I see clients. Usually how that goes is I make dinner, my husband comes home, we quickly eat as a family and then I head to my office. That was pretty much the same tonight except I happen to have a pretty impactful networking meeting with a local leader of our church before I met with clients.

Before my big meeting, I decided to help my husband out by bathing our toddler. I sat by the tub and hung out while she happily splashed and poured water all over the floor. Then all of the sudden she squatted and absent mindedly I heard her saying something over and over until finally my brain realized what was happening, "Poops!" I pulled her out of the tub and was lucky to mostly contain the poopaster. After draining and sanitizing the tub and rebathing my toddler, she was clean and ready for bed.

I went to freshen up for my meeting and changed out of my sticky, gooped, wet jeans and t-shirt into some more professional attire. As soon as I put my mom jeans black pants on, I realized that they too had sticky goop on them and I must've missed it before I took them off last time. No worries, I quickly wiped all of the goop away with a baby wipe and continued getting ready. I couldn't find that necklace I really like and my shirt was missing a small button, but oh well, I'd roll with it.

As I said goodbye to my family and headed to do my job, it struck me how much of my life isn't perfect. In fact, none of it is. For a long time, I have made the mistake I think a lot of us make in thinking that I have to wait until everything is in place before I make the next big step in my goals. I have to wait until I've lost that extra 10 pounds before I train for a race, or I have to make sure I have that degree before I start networking or planning out my business.

Lately, though, I've been making a huge push in my life to ask "What would I do if I wasn't trying to be perfect?" What would I try? What could I accomplish if the fear of imperfection didn't prevent me from taking that next step. This pattern of thinking has opened my life up to a whole new range of experiences. I've taken up cross stitching which is part of the crafting world I never thought I'd touch. I'm training for my first marathon even though I definitely don't sport a perfect running body. I'm also building my practice even though it's terrifying and vulnerable and difficult to do.

When I give myself permission to take a chance even when the outcome is scary or uncertain, I grow. Regardless of the outcome, I learn and I grow and the next time I need to take that step, it's easier. That's what's been awesome about my little journey so far. Each imperfect step has become easier to take than the one before because I have learned through experience that I am still here. I will still be the same "me" even if the person on the other end of the phone thinks counseling is dumb. I'll still be Callan even if I don't run nearly as fast as the runners I follow on Instagram. Because Callan, the real Callan, is beautifully imperfect and the sooner I can accept and treasure that about myself the sooner I can use that to help me become an even better me.

And just so I don't leave you hanging, I'll tell you the meeting went well tonight, probably really well (it's always hard to know for sure).As I was sitting in the office talking about my career and my professional aspirations I thought, "I bet they have no idea that less than 2 hours ago I cleaned out a bathtub full of poop and wiped kid-goop off of the pants I'm wearing." They didn't know and they didn't care because I showed up. The real, imperfect "me" showed up and at the end of the day, that's what actually mattered.